how to tell if nai has been knocked up

Not entirely sure about the point of this post, it certainly isn’t going to be anywhere near politically correct.

My sister is perhaps considered to be in the “highly likely” category of getting “knocked up”. It has come to my attention that many of her work colleagues, family, and friends, are all looking at her as if she’s pregnant, and seem to want to be the first to know whether she actually is carrying or not.

I’m under the impression that my sis is becoming increasingly annoyed about people asking her about her current pregnancy status. So, without further aberration, let’s consider various indicators and tell-tale signs about how to tell if Nai has been knocked up or not. My dear friend Erin, soon to be a doctor of medicine, has been highly useful for various facts outlined below:

1. Radius of belly: This is typically understood by unknowledgeable people in the field of getting knocked up, to be the most obvious sign of pregnancy. However, it’s not. The major flaw to this parameter is that the woman could just be getting fat. For example, since my sis has moved out with her new husband, they’ve been eating themselves silly. More specifically, not actually eating themselves, but consuming large(r) amounts of food.** Erin says:
   

   not sure where I’m going with this one yet, but you’re not actually “eating for two”… really you’re eating for you and a peanut, so you only get to eat like, an extra m&m a day if you don’t want to start stacking it on….

   I don’t think Erin is aware how much crap these guys eat on a day to day basis, and multiply crap eater by crap eater what do you get? One mega crap eater. Basically, my newphew/neice is going to be a fatty, eating lots of food. This kind of information may have lead to Erin giving us different medical facts. Also according to Erin, radius of abdomen will not increase until at LEAST 13 weeks post conception (ie just over 3 months), by then they usually tell everyone. This of course is highly irrelevant as using the information on this website, you’ll be able to tell within 3 days as Nai’s mood and food consumption changes drastically. Which, leads me on to the next topic…

2. Random pubic bone fact: Erin has also told us that:
   

   if you measure from the pubic bone up towards the bellybutton, the height of the fundus (round bit) of the uterus increases at about a cm a week after 24 weeks…
   So at 25 weeks the height is 25cms, at 26 weeks it’s 26cms (plus/minus 3cm)

   So for my nephew to be able to qualify under US regulations as short enough to be an astronaut at zero years of age, it must be born within roughly 190 weeks, or 3.6 years. I’m guessing this shouldn’t be a problem. Of course, this calculation is probably not very medically justified, I just made it up to make you laugh. A little. C’mon, admit it, it made you laugh, right!? heh.. thought so!

Now below I have compiled some of Google’s Images best looking*** pregnant chicks, that Nai may or may not quassi-resemble when she gets fat pregnant.

** Amount of food: Here we consider the amount of food as a multi-parameter matrix including volume and density (i.e. mass), the effective stomach filling capacity of the food (i.e. how filling the food makes you feel, which is inversely proportional to MSG), the viscosity of the food (i.e. if it’s a liquid meal, you’re not likely to put on as much body mass due to the food’s ability to ‘run’ through the digestive system), and so forth.
*** Best looking: Here we don’t actually consider pregnant chicks to be good looking, but merely say that they are good looking for political reasons, and for their own self-reassurance, yadda yadda yadda…